Absence
by autumn-leaf16
Summary: A short examination on Xzar's madness, a bit of an alternative exploration. A conversation between Xzar and an original character


_**Disclaimer:** I don't owe anything, but Elara is my own character_

* * *

The man in front was not arrested for being a mage, but for being insane. Upon seeing how he raved and waved his arms around, Elara was extremely surprised at the fact that he was only at the local prison. She would have thought that such behaviours would have brought a one way ticket to the asylum.

Her husband had a tendency to say magic make one crazy. If this was his example then he would be on a winning argument.

"Relationship with the prisoner?" the guard asked before he muttered out the following: "Not that anyone would say that they are related to him if they are not."

"Father's relative." Not a lie because she had no idea who her father was, so anyone could be her paternal relative.

"Make sure he's out of sight." Was all the guard cared to say.

"I'll do what I can." She said before she reached out her hand to her new kin. "Come, I'll take you home."

There was a time when walking with him resulted in an envy. Now, it was more of a freak show.

"I never once thought that I would agree with my husband in this aspect, but magic might really be foul." She muttered as they reached her house. "In all honesty, I am not sure if I can apply living or human to you."

"You will only be half right." He told her as he pushed the cowl of his cloak down.

When she first met him, he had a slightly tanned skin with blond hair that was both long and thick, hair that women envied. He also had bright blue eyes that were filled with merriment.

Now his skin was pale and seemed stretched over bones that might be of a similar colour. That golden hair was gone, leaving only wisps of white strand. As for his eyes, they were sunken in and like the light one would only see due to knowing that they were there.

"Necromancy is an art that requires much." He said simply. "It is a risk that I accepted."

"What about the mental aspect?"

He was a man of wit and charm, yet the man in prison had been shrieking sentences filled with words that barely fitted together.

"That is not so." He said instead. "That is not why."

"I won't pry but you need to be careful. I can't help you if you are sent to the asylum."

"Why did you help me, Elara? You did not need to."

"Because you are one of the few in my life who I call friend." she said honestly. "Despite this…craze of yours, you are still that same man I met in Baldur's Gate a few years ago."

"That is why, Elara, I am like this." he whispered, his voice broken. "It is for the sake of that person. My desperate hope that a part of him remains."

* * *

Looking back, he was foolish. He wanted to study magic and a slight high achievement in his mark made him feel that he was special. As a result, he ended up belonging to a group that he was not able to free himself from.

A cruel group that showed no mercy. A group that taught him about the dangers of failure in real life.

Yet it was that group which let him met his most important friend.

Montaron was not so different from him- like him, youth had been responsible for an idealism that was also the same for being foolish. Because they were young, they thought that they could easily achieve what they wanted.

The other wished to be a fighter, to break the stereotype of his people.

In many ways, he was too successful.

Xzar did not know what caused the punishment, he would probably never know. However, the result was certainly, from the others' point of view, very successful. The young man that left the room was no longer the dear friend he had, but a professional assassin.

Someone whose only thought was murder.

That had been why he was attracted to Elara. She was an assassin, but had a limit. His dear friend was like that once.

Maybe if he could choose, then he would have just left and pretended that his friend was gone. Yet he suspected that they deliberately assigned them on missions together.

It was painful- to be with one that was once his dearest friend, yet one that was transformed to one who only saw him as an object at the very best.

He could actually feel tears in his eyes and not wanting to let anyone discover them, he started to laugh. Then, he started to tear his hair. That way, the tears of sadness became tears of pain.

Madness became his disguise. Madness was a tool. By being mad, he no longer had to think, by playing that role, no one dared to approach him. When he injured himself, the pain could distract him.

It did not completely make sense- perhaps his madness was not just an act, but he might really be going mad.

* * *

The house of his hostess was actually a really good hideout for a mage due to the books that it had. It turned out that Elara's in-laws actually had one of their walls knocked out in order to store books that would be considered dangerous in a secret room.

"At this rate, the line is going to die out, so you might as well make use of it." had been her words.

The books in his hand were treasures, yet the letters seemed to be pictures instead of words. He was not able to make sense of them at all.

Why was there no news? How could Montaron just disappear? Despite all that had happened, the other remained very capable.

"…I found him." Elara announced. "He has been captured by the Harpers."

"Then I'll find a way to get him back." He said firmly.

"…why do you risk so much for him?" she asked softly and there were both frustration and concern in her voice.

"Because Montaron is important to me." he said. "Because despite what happened to him, I believe that he is still the friend that I made all these years ago."

"What a pair we are then." Elara chuckled as she actually planted a kiss on his cracked cheek. "You with a friend that is not there despite still being with you, while I have a husband that is here but not with me."

He knew the truth, yet he does not admit this. The truth is that his friend had been gone ever since that day. Despite the other being there, he has been alone all along.

* * *

 _ **Author** **'** **s Note:** it has been years since I last did any writing on Baldur's Gate, but I was just tidying up a few files when I saw this oneshot, and I thought that I might as well put it up. For some strange reason, I always like the idea that Xzar is not fully mad, that this is an act that he does. I also always imagined that he and Montaron were once friends. I have to admit that this was because I did not play the game in order. If I had, then I might see it in a different way. I also had this idea that the Xzar that the PC met in the first game became very different, which is probably why I tend to describe him as having changed greatly in appearance._

 _Elara is my original character and she is actually the central focus in my fan fiction 'the betrayer and the betrayed', which I have discontinued, and her character did undergo quite some evolution between the time that I wrote it and now. Even though no names are mentioned, it should be quite obvious who her husband is, given the descriptions. Basically she is an ex-shadow thief who has an interesting relationship with Valygar due to a marriage of mutualism that did not work out very well. Even though Valygar has left her, she still lives in their house at Athkatla._

 _The idea is that she and Xzar somehow know each other and they have a rather strange friendship in addition to being friends with benefit. That is why she would be helping him out by giving him a place to stay, as well as finding out some information for him._

 _The idea of this story is that Xzar and Montaron were friends, but Montaron ended up changing due to some form of torture. Xzar will start to pretend that he is mad as a bit of a coping mechanism, although it is hinted that he is a bit dysfunctional at the same time, that the madness might not be a complete act._

 _If you enjoy reading this story, then please leave me a review, as I would love to know what people think. In addition, it would be nice to actually try and write more in this fandom._


End file.
